Funny-Christmas.com

5 Funny Christmas Songs for Adults

funnybone — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 05:15:12 +0000

Tired of the sappy traditional Christmas carols? Try some of these funny Christmas songs for adults and discover some irreverent new tunes for the holidays.

1. The Twisted Chipmunk Song – Bob Rivers
If you can’t stand those cheerful high-pitched singing chipmunks and their cute little song imploring Christmas not to be late, you’ll probably enjoy this twisted version of the song. You’ll still have to put up with those high-pitched chipmunk voices, but these lyrics aren’t a sappy plea to Santa to bring lots of nice toys.

2. Jingle Bombs – Jeff Dunham
Ventriloquist and comedian Jeff Dunham allows his dummy, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, to sing his own version of Jingle Bells on Dunham’s “Don’t Come Home for Christmas” CD. Achmed’s version includes some jabs at “Guitar Guy” and lyrics that include, “Dashing through the sand, with a bomb strapped to my back…” And if you’re familiar with Achmed’s signature phrase, you won’t be disappointed.

3. She’s a Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas – Patent Pending
Forget about Mommy kissing Santa Claus. This isn’t a song you’ll want the kids hearing – or repeating. The “ho ho ho” in this funny Christmas song for adults isn’t stopping with a peck under the mistletoe. She’s spending Christmas “with a bottle in her hands and with her legs around a man.” But can you blame her? “Ever since her grandma got run over by a reindeer, she’s been running low on Christmas cheer.”

4. The Twelve Pains Of Christmas – Bob Rivers
There’s no partridge in a pear tree in Bob Rivers’ parody of the 12 Days of Christmas. Rivers has a long list of complaints in this song, from singing Christmas carols to finding a Christmas tree, and plenty of “pains” in between.

5. Redneck 12 Days Of Christmas – Jeff Foxworthy
If you want another funny 12 Days of Christmas song, comedian Jeff Foxworthy offers the Redneck 12 Days of Christmas. What do rednecks get for Christmas? Counting backwards, it’s 12 packs of Bud, 11 wrestlin’ tickets, 10 a Copenhagen, 9 years probation, and so on down to some parts for a Mustang GT.

Click below to here samples of these funny Christmas songs for adults.

Santa’s Stuck up in the Chimney

funnybone — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 23:45:23 +0000

This fun video features the song Santa’s Stuck Up in the Chimney, by Paul Evans. Maybe it’s time for Santa to take a hint – it’s time to lay off the milk and cookies.

Can You Name the Elf Food Groups?

funnybone — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 07:10:49 +0000

Quick, what do elves eat? We all know Santa prefers cookies and milk, but what about the little helpers in his factory?

In the movie “Elf,” Will Farrell stars as Buddy the Elf, a man raised by Christmas elves. According to Buddy, elves have four main food groups – candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

This scene from the movie shows Buddy chugging soda, pouring syrup on spaghetti and explaining the dietary preferences of Santa Claus’ elves. Somehow I don’t think the USDA would approve.

New “Buttcracker” Video from JibJab

funnybone — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 02:54:21 +0000

The funny folks from JibJab are at it again. They’ve created brand new funny ecards for the holidays. These “Starring You” cards feature you and/or your friends and family. All you need to do is upload some faces, and they do the rest. In addition to the new “Buttcracker” greeting shown below, they’ve also got new cards featuring snowmen and elves, as well as a long list of existing funny cards. Check it out their funny animated holiday greetings at JibJab.com.

Why You’ve Got to Go to Sleep Before Santa Comes

funnybone — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 20:03:26 +0000

Why does Santa Claus only come after the little kids are asleep? Well, if I told you the answer to that questions, I’d have to kill you. Poor Timmy.

This image is available on a Christmas card from CardStore.com.

O Kitty Tree

funnybone — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 21:33:41 +0000

If you’re familiar with the Christmas song “O Christmas Tree,” you may recognize this tune, but you won’t recognize the lyrics as some little kitties sing about the joys of that wonderfully fun tall green cat toy.

Funny Santa Hats for the Holidays

funnybone — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 00:32:11 +0000

Lots of people like to dress up like Santa Claus during the holidays. Some go the whole way, buying Santa costumes to impress their kids, while others just like to walk around wearing Santa hats as they go about their holiday shopping or attend the annual company Christmas party. Most folks get the regular red hat with a fluffy white border. But if you’d like to add some pizazz to your holiday hat, here are some funny Santa hats for Christmas.

Dread Santa Hat

Wired Santa Hat

Bah Humbug Santa Hat

Curly Q Santa Hat

Yoda Santa Hat

Jack Santa Hat

5 Funny Gift Ideas for Boyfriend

funnybone — Sun, 15 May 2011 05:13:55 +0000

So Christmas is coming and you need a gift for your boyfriend, huh? If you’re looking for funny gift ideas for boyfriend, you’ve come to the right place. These gifts will give your guy a good laugh without making him think you’re getting all serious and mushy on him.

1. USB Grenade Flash Drive
Pull the plug and lob your old flash drive out your window (preferably after you’ve backed up the files, but who are we to tell you what to do?). Store your most valuable and portable files inside a grenade for maximum style points. Unleash that little evil part of yourself that wants to blow up your coworkers. That annoying guy three cubes down want the same files you’ve already emailed him 30 times? Pull the plug on your grenade and fling it into his cube. It won’t blow up, but at least a grenade to the head might make him reconsider the next time he wants to bug you about something…

2. Star Wars Lightsaber Flashlight
Let’s face it. Some places are strong with the Dark Side and some places are just plain… dark. Whether you’re a Jedi Master or a Sith Lord, there’s always something in the darkness to be worried about. Sure, you’re in touch with the Force. You can sense the presence of others, but really there’s nothing like actually seeing what’s in front of you. That’s where our Star Wars Lightsaber Handle Flashlights come in handy. This officially licensed Star Wars collectible comes with 3 x AAA batteries. Both Vader and Luke style hilts are available, though we think they ought to be called Vader and pre-Vader since they were both technically made by the same person. Either way, the Lightsaber Handle Flashlight will help you find your keys when the power goes out. Product Specifications Officially licensed Star Wars product Luke or Vader Style hilts.

3. Star Trek Enterprise Pizza Cutter
Space… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new pizzas, to seek out new toppings and new cheeses, to boldy cut pizza where no man has cut before! Yes, this officially licensed Star Trek collectable is everything you hoped it would be. Laser etched stainless steel blade and solid metal construction make it perfect for battling Romulans in the neutral zone or precision pizza slicing. You’ll find that even though the prime mission of the Enterprise has now become very pizza centric, the chrome plated metal construction and padded gift box make the Enterprise pizza cutter a true Star Trek collectable. Plus it looks great on your desk even when not being used to cut your favorite cheese and sauce laden foods.

4. Electronic Guitar T-Shirt
Here’s a funny gift idea for a boyfriend who dreams of being a rock star. The Electronic Guitar Shirt is not a toy that plays pre-canned musical riffs, it is a real musical instrument that allows you to play your favorite songs and sound great doing it. All major chords are recorded from a real electric guitar, and the included magnetic pick allows you to strum just like you would a real guitar. The included mini amp clips to your belt and gets plenty loud with great sounding amplification circuitry. The tone knob on the amp lets you adjust the sound just like a real guitar.

5. Duct Tape Wallet
Made from Super Duct Tape (specifically engineered so that your wallet won’t lift, peel, or get sticky), these duct tape wallets are one part high fashion, one part weekend warrior, and another part sheer cool. Super Duct Tape is tougher and better looking than traditional duct tape which would make a lousy wallet – think of glue leaking into your pocket and then sticking to all that lint and dog hair. No way. These next generation wallets don’t even smell! And they are soft and gentle on the hands with no sharp corners to talk about. Sure you use duct tape to mount your hard drive in your case, or as floppy labels, or even to upholster your office furniture – but not until now could you realistically hope to use duct tape to carry around your bling. These durable and well-constructed duct tape wallets are great for all programmers, but Perl coders might enjoy them the most.

Find more funny gift ideas for boyfriend on HubPages and Funny Gift Ideas for Boyfriend on Squidoo.

What Santa Wears Under That Red Suit

funnybone — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 20:20:06 +0000

Ever wonder what Santa Claus wears under that bulky red suit? Now you can stop wondering.

This image is available as a funny Christmas card from CardStore.com.

Australian Jingle Bells

funnybone — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 06:44:08 +0000

Santa may have snow in the North Pole, and everyone above the equator may be celebrating winter, but Down Under it’s summer and it’s hot. So the traditional lyrics of “dashing through the snow” in Jingle Bells just won’t work. Here’s an Australian version that features a Holden Ute (to translate for Yanks, that’s a coupe manufactured by the GM subsidiary in Australia) instead of a one-horse open sleigh.